i won the momma lottery

for the past couple days, for reasons that have nothing to do with mother's day, we've all been watching home videos from when ryan and i were wee little toddlers. we've been laughing hysterically at all of the funny things our mini selves did...

like when i tried to get into the toy stroller that was meant for my baby dolls. and when ryan tried 7 different ways to sit in a chair before finally getting it right and resting with the widest triumphant smile. and when i ran to throw my mom a floatie because she was swimming in the deep end and i was worried. and when ryan started calling me "feffy" because he couldn't pronounce "stefanie"... *yes, that nickname has become something of a fixture in my life--friends love to latch onto it.*

but more importantly, those home videos showed proof of what a flawless momma my dear mother was. not that i needed reminding--i'm witness to her wonderful spirit everyday. but there's something about seeing her interact with us from an outside perspective that makes me extra appreciative of all that she's done.

and what a BEAUTY, amiright?

so yesterday i had the unique opportunity to spoil my mom ON mother's day because we were in the same town for once! i surprised her in the morning with a huge bouquet of flowers and a card. i treated her to breakfast and a dinner. and we spent the entire day in front of the fireplace talking about motherhood and growing up and why people are the way they are. always enlightening, that mother of mine.

here's a post from last year's mother's day. and here are my fav posts on my mom: this one and this one and this one.

mom, you're great. i love you.

film from a winter

i just found pictures from a winter here in ohio--captured on my canon t50 film camera. i'm kind of smitten with the quality of them and will definitely be taking more film this week, because ohio just looks real good in it. check out fall in film (there are bits of NYC and chicago in there, too).

my big brother flew in this morning! he'll be staying the week with us, which is nice because we tend to laugh incessantly when we're all together. and this home is such a cozy place for family to gather. it reminds me of christmas.

st john with the blondes


my last weekend in the caribbean, i took a car ferry over to st john with two crazy fun blondes.

we packed up a cooler of tasty refreshments and headed east in sophie's jeep. we savored fruity rum cocktails on the windy ride from redhook to the prettiest of the US virgin islands (it's legal in the VI, i promise).

we drove around the entirety of the protected island with the windows down, music blaring. and we got a little lost--but on days like those, it's nice getting lost.

when we began craving saltwater, we decided on a beach and started in its direction. but on the way we found this overlook and just couldn't pass it by.

we went down to the beach eventually, but not until after a good bit of dancing and twirling and picture taking. beach pictures coming soon!

in the meantime, here are some other fun times had at st john. i'm sure gonna miss the indescribable feeling of freedom that comes from island hopping.

back to the mainland


i've been back in the states for a week now! it's been a bit surreal, to say the least. gotta love how you can get a nice dose of culture shock without even technically leaving the country (although st thomas sometimes felt a world away).

i flew straight into middle-of-nowhere ohio to see my mom last wednesday. i was not at all prepared for how painfully COLD it would be here. i had my mom bring me a big down feather jacket when she picked me up from the airport, aaaaand i haven't taken it off since... okay i took it off to shower. but ive showered less than i'd like to admit because this cold makes me cringe. #dontjudge

and what's worse, my dear mother didn't want to refill the oil for her heater since the winter should be over soon... so there's NO heat in the house! YAYYY! in other words, i've been perched in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine to keep warm.

also helping me cope, i ordered myself a pretty pair of green packable hunter boots, while i was still in st thomas. i'm so thoughtful sometimes ;) i figured they'd be good for traveling and farming and life. i like them so much that i've been wearing them out on days with complete sunshine.

and every time we go out, i keep telling my mom she's driving on the wrong side of the road. i only drove ONCE when i lived on the island, but just riding passenger for 6 months got me used to the ways of the roads down there. "keep left" is engrained in my subconscious. and i've yet to drive on the right again yet. i'll let you all know if something interesting comes of it ;)

using music as a substitute

i've had a lot of people ask me recently where i am and where i'm going next and how i feel about leaving the island. i'm overwhelmed with how much i'd like to express about... all of it. there's a lot of thought and reflection involved in big transitions like this.

and truth be told, i feel like i've just ended a six month long, wild love affair with that small dreamlike place that made up my whole universe. the things i experienced there are unlike anything i can relate to anywhere else. in fact, it's a bit of a culture shock being back in the states.

i know i'm off to bigger, more foreign things, but it's all still very vague. it's been tough to focus or make room for excitement.

so while words are currently failing me, i'll turn to music. here are a few songs that, for whatever reason, feel to me the way i feel about leaving. so here you have some seemingly sappy tunes. i swear i'm not meaning to be emo--these songs really reassure my happiness. it's just a medley of bittersweet melodies, i think. happy goodbyes with a side of uncertainty, perhaps.







it's about that time...






































i've checked off everything
on this cute little list-to-live-by...
it's literally a condensed version of
what i did on this rock.
and now's the part where i leave.
i'll probably return to visit, often...
(since bambie is staying)
but i'll never truly return.
i've learned and i'm moving on!
there's more world out there to explore.
see ya later, st tommy!

image via tumblr

island essentials



in the process of packing to leave st thomas, i realized just how badly i packed before moving. i normally pride myself in my pro packing abilities (since i move and travel so much), but this packjob is not one i'm proud of...

i moved down with only two suitcases and a backpack, so i tried really hard to pack smart. buuut i way overpacked. i overestimated the island's fashion scene (ha!), and i knew i'd be living there for a while so i wanted to have options. but that was pretty dumb of me.

last week i opened the cabinets i've had closed for months and found all the clothing i figured i'd somehow maybe need on an island--button down shirts, fancy pants, and way too many dressy dresses to count. oh and a heap of jewelry that i never touched.

it turns out, people living on islands don't give a shit what you wear. st thomas, in particular, is a tiny island with a huge boating community, a few dive bars, and one not-so-cool night club. folks in the islands practically live in bathing suits anyways, but when they DO wear clothes, they more or less wear whatever is practical.

no button down shirts, no high waisted shorts, hardly ever any dresses, and certainly NO heels. i only saw a handful of women wear heels on st thomas and i immediately knew they were a trying-too-hard tourist dressed for pictures.

i didn't bring heels to the caribbean, but i did bring a plethora of useless clothing. i want to learn from that experience and make sure to pack MUCH smarter when i travel abroad. 

so for those of you traveling to an island in the near future, here are the basics--all you'll need to have a good time and not stick out like a sore thumb ;)

--a baseball cap to shade your face
--sunglasses, always.
--backpacks are a huge must. everyone wears one on the island, because it's not insanely easy to get around, so you want to have anything you might need on your back. and backpacks are much easier to carry than purses.
--a tiny wallet to fit in your tiny backpack. nothing too bulky that'll add to the weight. also, to always have cash on hand for cabs or safaris or splitting checks.
--a bathing suit, whether you work on the water or not. because you never know when you'll feel like jumping in!
--a waterproof watch. i needed one to time my snorkel tours, but i think they're pretty useful all around. and nixon watches are the prettiest.
--short shorts, because pants are dumb. even when we first moved to the island and the mosquitos thirsted for our new blood, pants were always just way too hot. plus, your legs have never been so tan. show them off ;)
--a good read, for the beach or the boat or the bar. and because "island time" is a real thing. you never know when you'll need to pass some time.


*friends who have traveled abroad a lot or friends who live in europe!! what would you recommend packing or leaving behind? i'll be repacking soon for europe and could really use your advice! :)

scenes from sapphire








i don't think i've ever posted pictures of my sapphire apartment. amber and i shared that little st vincent studio for 4 months. for the first month or so we even shared the bed... and then we realized the couch was a pull-out and every bit as comfortable as the damn bed ;) haha!

we grew to love that little space so much. because the inconveniences that came along with the apartment (zero privacy, high energy bill, lack of internet, uncomfy beds) were all forgotten when we took a peek at that incredible view. i didn't ever mind waking up at the crack of dawn to go to work when i opened my eyes to all those beautiful colors.

and it was safe and convenient. we were on the safari route, so we rarely had to hitchhike. we had a cute little gated community. redhook was right down the road. and the beach was a 5 minute walk away.

we would have friends come over on days off to hang out and play volleyball on the beach. we would go snorkeling on days off too, in case we didn't get enough of that while working ;) and i really loved being able to take long phone calls down by the water while the sun was setting.

if you ever get a chance to live by the water, take it. there's something so healing about the presence of water nearby. perhaps it's just the perspective of how small you are against the great mass of it, which makes anything troubling you seem pretty insignificant.

it does wonders for the soul.

a new perspective and a new obsession

everyday that i've worked, i've seen the scuba diving boats out at the cove. i love leading snorkel tours over the shipwreck and pointing out all of the divers 40 feet below us. for a while there, they were just distant, underwater people that blew out bubbles to tickle our toes. but then i became pretty good friends with the crew of those dive boats, and they started convincing me to come out on a discover dive for free.

i wasn't too eager to take them up on that offer, because on my days off, i usually want to hide from the sun on dry land. i also figured that i could free dive almost as deep as the divers, so how different would that experience really be? but since my time in st thomas has been dwindling down, i made a last minute decision to tag along on a morning dive.


it was pretty strange being out at the cove at the same time as the castaway boats and not being ON them. i waved to the crews on castaway 1 and castaway 3. "what... what are you doin' over there, stef?!' trying something new! i dare say my friends were a little envious.


while the first round of certified divers went out, they had the discover divers snorkel on their own to get used to the waters. but being a snorkel instructor, i couldn't bare to just let these poor tourists wander around the reef without knowing what they were looking at. so, on my day off, i led a little snorkel tour for the first timers. they were really appreciative that i was there and willing teach them a couple things. and i was glad to do it :)


then it was my turn to dive! greg the instructor took me out one-on-one, which was oh so nice of him. he knows that i'm a good swimmer and free diver, so i got to skip the redundant first steps and get on with the diving. as soon as he knew i could equalize properly, we went straight to 45 feet.

and just like that i was hanging out at the shipwreck, able to touch it and analyze it and really take it in. it was unbelievably cool to finally see something up close that i had been looking at from a distance for 6 months. i got a fairly close look every time i'd free dive, but it's not easy to soak it all in when you're holding your breath.

at the shipwreck, i looked up and could see the snorkel tours at the surface. the divers call snorkelers "butt fish" because all you can see is their butts, although if they were snorkeling properly, you'd see them floating face down. i looked up and i knew the chaos that was happening at the surface--the people splashing, kids crying, parents trying to adjust gear. thinking of all that noise made me that much happier to be right where i was, 45 feet below it.

i was so happy in the serenity of our depth.

being that far underwater is like being in a different world. the life down there is quiet and calm, yet vibrant and exciting. it's an incredible new perspective. to not only swim down and point at fish for a moment, but to actually swim along with them and watch them. it felt like i was a part of their world--not just an ordinary observer.



in other words, i loved it. i didn't want it to end. i was so high on euphoria afterwards that i swam over to castaway 3 (amber's boat) to tell her about it. and because she didn't have an afternoon trip, we decided to go out on the dive boat again, for her first time. 


for the afternoon trip, we went to two new spots. we went to a spot called "cow and calf" (two rocks sticking out of the water that pirates used to think were a whale and its calf), and a spot called "barges", which is basically a set of underwater navy barges covered in the most beautiful coral. diving those three beautiful spots all in one day? it sort of blew my mind.

i'm going to try and get my open water scuba certification before i leave! the diving guys said they could get me certified for cheap, so i figure i should take advantage of that, right? i think this is one of those things that i'd regret later on if i didn't do it. hey remember that time i lived in the caribbean and knew all the diving instructors and could've gotten certified for next to nothin? i should've done that! yyyeah, i don't like the word "should've", so i'm going to avoid that scenario and just do it ;)