back in focus

lately my posts have been sparse as i've been wrestling with my words.

"It just doesn't seem very important anymore that I write. I can understand this, I think, in light of what I call 'the psychology of imposition.' This theory holds that the most overriding of all human desires is the need to amount to something. I'm not talking about the old Horatio Alger gimmick, but the more basic desire to know that your life means something. As Faulkner says, writing is his way of saying 'Kilroy is here,' of imposing himself, however briefly, on reality. If only for an instant, the image of the man is imposed on the chaotic mainstream of life and it remains there forever: order out of chaos, meaning out of meaninglessness. Just as some people turn to religion to find meaning, the writer turns to his craft and tries to impose meaning, or to sift the meaning out of chaos and put it in order."
-Hunter S. Thompson

i've had so much to say and share these past few weeks, but not enough of an attention span to put the words wandering around my head into any sort of order. and the longer i've gone without writing and documenting and sorting through meaning, the more jambled and seemingly meaningless it's all become.

i find it a tragedy, to have sincere thoughts tossed to the wayside because of laziness, whether they were even worthy of order or not.

there's been a shameful stalling of creativity on my part and i blame it largely on television and lack of challenging intellectual stimulation. for some reason, i neglected my books, cameras and projects lately, and instead subjected myself to really bad television, devoid of any originality.

mindless television. in the mornings, during breakfast. and afterward, while checking emails. after running short errands that bring me one notch closer to completing what i need to move. and after my evening run. tv--all night long. gross, right?

i never really watched tv throughout college, and certainly not while traveling, so this influx of it has been strangely intoxicating and mind numbing.

perhaps it's been some kind of subconcious ploy on my part, to prevent my brain from mulling over my many daily stressors, but i've found that i'd rather worry than be numb. it's time to exit zombie mode and start concentrating on important things, without commercials and celebrity gossip drowning out my thoughts.
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